One day she was particularly quiet and I asked her if she was ok, she started sobbing uncontrollably and said her life was a mess. She complained every week after that about something or other. She was struggling with the children, she was on medication for depression and she felt like her husband didn't support her and they were constantly arguing. Fatima has three children, her son has dropped out of college and has been in trouble with the police. Her two girls (age 11 & 13) suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder, and they both have symptoms of OCD. Sometimes they'd be up all night worrying about what was going to happen in school the next day. She said one of her girls was already fretting and having sleepless nights thinking about the following year at school. There would be days when she would miss the classes because her girls were off school. Due to lack of sleep, frustration and tiredness Fatima said she felt irritable and miserable all the time. A far cry from the happy jolly girl I used to know. On days that were particularly bad her husband would just go to his other wife's house. I thought this was unfair, I felt that he should be showing his support to not only his wife but his children too, he made a commitment to her when he married her, It seemed as though he was taking the easy option out. It just made me think about her girls, could their anxiety be a result of their parents squabbling and their mother's depression? In my next post I think I'll look into that and see how polygamy affects the children.
Thursday, 8 November 2012
What's love got to do with it?
Quite a lot actually. I knew a girl who I grew up with, she was a neighbour and a very close friend. When she was 18 she fell in love with someone and married him. What's wrong with that? Well not much except he was already married with children... and she knew it. I don't want to use real names, so for the sake of this blog we'll call her 'Fatima', I lost touch with her and didn't see her again for another 20 odd years or so. I met up with her a while ago when she moved back to the area and we were on a course together, she was like a completely different person. She wasn't the bubbly girl she used to be, ever since I've got to know her again I have yet to see her smile.
One day she was particularly quiet and I asked her if she was ok, she started sobbing uncontrollably and said her life was a mess. She complained every week after that about something or other. She was struggling with the children, she was on medication for depression and she felt like her husband didn't support her and they were constantly arguing. Fatima has three children, her son has dropped out of college and has been in trouble with the police. Her two girls (age 11 & 13) suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder, and they both have symptoms of OCD. Sometimes they'd be up all night worrying about what was going to happen in school the next day. She said one of her girls was already fretting and having sleepless nights thinking about the following year at school. There would be days when she would miss the classes because her girls were off school. Due to lack of sleep, frustration and tiredness Fatima said she felt irritable and miserable all the time. A far cry from the happy jolly girl I used to know. On days that were particularly bad her husband would just go to his other wife's house. I thought this was unfair, I felt that he should be showing his support to not only his wife but his children too, he made a commitment to her when he married her, It seemed as though he was taking the easy option out. It just made me think about her girls, could their anxiety be a result of their parents squabbling and their mother's depression? In my next post I think I'll look into that and see how polygamy affects the children.
One day she was particularly quiet and I asked her if she was ok, she started sobbing uncontrollably and said her life was a mess. She complained every week after that about something or other. She was struggling with the children, she was on medication for depression and she felt like her husband didn't support her and they were constantly arguing. Fatima has three children, her son has dropped out of college and has been in trouble with the police. Her two girls (age 11 & 13) suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder, and they both have symptoms of OCD. Sometimes they'd be up all night worrying about what was going to happen in school the next day. She said one of her girls was already fretting and having sleepless nights thinking about the following year at school. There would be days when she would miss the classes because her girls were off school. Due to lack of sleep, frustration and tiredness Fatima said she felt irritable and miserable all the time. A far cry from the happy jolly girl I used to know. On days that were particularly bad her husband would just go to his other wife's house. I thought this was unfair, I felt that he should be showing his support to not only his wife but his children too, he made a commitment to her when he married her, It seemed as though he was taking the easy option out. It just made me think about her girls, could their anxiety be a result of their parents squabbling and their mother's depression? In my next post I think I'll look into that and see how polygamy affects the children.
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It is very sad to hear Fatima's story. Unfortunatley this does happen - I mean if her husband is coming home finding tension, he will probably take the easy option (since he doesn't really know what to do) and go to his other wife and children where all is happy and glory.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to say but if everything is glory with the other wife he may be blaming Fatima for the 'broken home'. Fatima needs all the moral support she can get from her family, I wonder if she is in contact with them since in most such cases that I know of the family usually disowns the young girl.
As they say 'love is blind' no matter who gets hurt. I think this is what happened to Fatima. Just hope others can learn from her life story. But what is so upsetting is the attitude of her husband. Even though polygamy is allowed in Islam, is not the husband responsibility to treat his wives and all his children equally?...
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do feel sorry for Fatima there is still so much we don't know about her situation. Her feeling down may have nothing to do with the husband or even the polygamous marriage. It could be something more deeper. Maybe her husband has tried to help her but she doesn't want his help. Maybe he doesn't know how to help his wife. We don't know. I feel sorry for the kids. Why has khadeja Begum asumed that her husband is not treating his wives properly? I mean where is the evidence khadeja?
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