- One of the main reasons that men have taken a second wife is because their first wife is infertile and they wish to have children. Many times their wives can have children but they've had several daughters but no son. This desire for an heir is a very cultural issue, in 2 of the 3 cases that I personally know of, the first wives gave birth to a boy after their husband married another woman, one after 5 girls the other after 6.
- Many men stick to tradition and have arranged marriages in their native countries, this is especially common for men of the Indian sub-continent, after they bring their respective wives to the UK, they have their girlfriends on the side that they've hidden from their families but eventually they'll marry them as well.
- Some men have actually resorted to marrying a cousin from abroad just to look after their ailing elderly parents, shocking I know but true. A lot of women are abused like this, in many cases they cannot speak English and don't have anyone to turn to. They put up with this treatment because it's either that or be sent back home, something they'd never do for fear of bringing disgrace on their families.
- The men go through a mid life crisis and fancy a younger model (yes, it has happened).
I must say that over the lapse of time, I've seen a shift in men's priorities, you would think that young modern Muslim men who were born and raised in the UK might consider the practice of polygamy outdated and old fashioned, but apparently not so. I've seen that nowadays men from the younger generation tend to take a second wife because they have an arranged marriage to keep their parents happy but later on they fall in love and marry that girl but keep the first wife too. I found an interesting audio video on YouTube, it's a BBC Asian Network report called 'Polygamy in Britain', I made the above points before I discovered it and was surprised to hear that similar reasons were given for men having more than one wife. So it's not just in my community but everywhere, have a listen, (I know it's a bit long but hang in there it's quite interesting.)
I don't totally agree with you on the motives of men mentioned above. To some degree it is true, and maybe for the community you mentioned above, but it can't be said for all the men who took second wives or for every other community. I say this because some of the ladies I know are either second wives or the first wives, and their marriages were based on the agreement between the husband and his first wife. I mean in most cases the first wife herself introduced her co-partner to her husband because she tried so hard to find some one for her friend to marry her but had no luck. As she was so worried about the stability of her friend (or some one she knew), the only solution she could think of was to persuade her husband to marry her. This seems daft but it does happen. Such cases that I know of are of wealthy people, cause it doesn't affect their financial situation, where treatment is fairly given to both wives (sharing of equal days and nights, separate houses, no obligation for wives to work, and some of them even pay for private schools for all their children).
ReplyDeleteYou are right but, I was talking about cases in the past, and those from men from mainly Pakistan, Bangladesh and India. 2nd and 3rd generation Muslim men in the UK marry for other reasons now. The case you are referring to is probably isolated and is not necessarily the norm
ReplyDeleteI’m shocked to find out that polygamous marriages are on the increase in the UK – like you said I thought many Muslims thought this tradition was outdated. I mean face it – how many women intentionally want to share their husband? Some like you said in your previous post agree only because they are past their sell by date – others are forced into it - when they find themselves in this situation and they can’t cope they file for divorce.
ReplyDeleteYes I agree if it (polygamy) is done correctly it is allowed in Islam. But if one cannot ie the husband then he must refrain from it as it can cause so much heartache for all parties involved - and surly that can’t be right in Islam. Like Dr Zakir Naik has explained in many of his talks ‘ISLAM IS THE ONLY RELIGION THAT ORDERS MARRY ONLY ONE IF YOU CAN’T BE FAIR TO YOUR WIVES!’
Men just cant marry and treat wives equally as was the case in the time of the Prophet PBUH so they should refrain from it - the motives I believe are selfish, therefore they should refrain from it. Also there is great punishment for those who cant treat their wives equally - men today promise to do that before they marry the second..but 2 or 3 years down the line the rules are bent and 1 is given prefernece over the other (I've heard of too many cases like this!). Best thing to do is avoid it. Men cant deal with one wife these days - i can't understand why they'd want two!
ReplyDeleteI have to mention also that I completely agree with the female lawyer and her stance on making secret polygamy marriages illegal. no secret nikkahs should take place in mosques and questions should be asked and things included in the marriage contract.. women should also do real research as to who they will marry - if he is married before as not to be 'conned' later.
ReplyDeleteI know of a few women who've been devastated after they discovered that their husbands had secretly married, one woman's husband was actually married to another woman for 7 years and had 2 daughters before she found out. What I found quite upsetting was that his friends knew all along about his secret marriage, in fact they were present at his nikah. So you are right,there should be more steps taken by religious leaders to outlaw secret nikahs, the whole point of a nikah is that it should be made public in case anyone has objections to it.
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